In this classic rendition of what Matt describes as an “Ashley-only Scenario,” I may have accepted roofied salsa from a stranger in the grocery store parking lot. It went like this:
The other day, like the mature/responsible adult I am, I went to the store on my way home from work, because inclement weather was pending.
PS: I don’t watch the news, it’s depressing. So I only knew this because we got the option to remote into work. REAL ADULT LIKE.
So anyways, I’m minding my own business, grabbing the essentials: Oreos, milk, frosting, Mountain Dew and cereal, like the adult I am (and the adult I feed at home expects 🤣).
Fast forward, and I’m trying to load up my truck with the goods, and the guy parked next to me has every single door to his vehicle open. Every single door.
I’m trying not to be a dick, but like… it’s cold and… my sunroof wasn’t open for easy drop in (because winter), so I kindly ask if he minds if I shut his door nearest mine for a second. This dude is super polite.
But like… it was weird. This bro had over 8 open coolers in his vehicle. I’m trying not to stare because ya know… you do you, boo boo. But this guy has an ASSLOAD of salsa in his car. Like.. 800 containers. It really gets the mind rolling on who could possibly need that much salsa.
As I am maneuvering into my truck, this guy yells out “hey, you ever tried Big Mama’s Salsa?!” … um no. “Hot, medium or mild?!”
And me being the weirdo I am, and my inability to NOT channel Paris in uncomfy situations, I just blurt out “Hot, that’s Hot!”
🤦🏻♀️ why am I me?!
So.. he gives me a random container of hot salsa, in the middle of the grocery store parking lot, mid-evening. And me, being an IDIOT, kindly accepted it and ran home to show Matt my prize.
Matt… immediately is not proud. 0% part of him is beaming with the face of a proud papa, the way I imagined this win was going to go over. WHO DOESN’T LOVE FREE SALSA FROM STRANGERS IN PARKING LOTS?!
Apparently, NE has a human trafficking problem. Matt is convinced I received roofied salsa. There was some logic to his argumentation… but I wasn’t ready accept the salsa was a no-go. To the fridge (of expiration) it went.
AND THEN I SHIT YOU NOT.. today, I go to the store to pick up more milk (seriously, Matt has a problem🤢) and THE SALSA MAN IS THERE. turns out he’s totally legitimate and sells homemade salsa to Hyvee.
So.. that’s the win of the week. My salsa wasn’t roofied. But, what kinda asshole gives you free salsa without including the Tostitos?!
Back to the fridge (of expiration) it goes. No promises that we’ll ever eat it, but let me know if you end up trying Big Mama’s Salsa and liking it. It’s apparently all the rage.
Sunny (roofie-free Salsa) daze ahead, sweet friends (probably).