I told Matt I was going to create a series of blogs about “how to not do college” and he kind of just gave me a blank stare – then goes “considering you completed 4 years of undergraduate college and 3 years of law school… I’m not sure you’re qualified to speak on the matter.” 🤣
He has a point.. I DID college, I did a lot of it. Wayyyy too much (0/10 recommend). But that’s precisely why I know exactly what NOT to do to YOURSELF during college. Consider this a how to: how to survive ages 18-22, how to make GOOD decisions (vis á vis my BAD decisions), and I may even sneak in a fashion tip or two. Basically, consider yourself enrolled in the world’s longest extended lesson on everything not to do, because it’s tried and true.. and I’m not sure that I’m what you would consider #goals.
First, please note: I was unaware that college was a choice.
When I say unaware, I mean, I had no idea that it was an option/there was no legal obligation to go to college, like there was in high school. Not going to college was simply not a discussion in our household and it wasn’t until I heard of people in high school that were going to go straight to work 😱, that it even crossed my mind that college may (possibly) be a choice. Don’t be that kid. You’ll just look dumb in front of your classmates. (thanks mom and dad! 😑)
Also, I recommend having a clear understanding on the inner workings of college credit hours BEFORE enrollment. Otherwise.. you will try to sign up for 15 hours of class a day and have a breakdown in the enrollment classroom (in front of all your new classmates) because it keeps telling you that you’ve hit your credit limit.. tenfold. Fun fact, I had no idea that college students didn’t go to school from 8:00-4:00. 🤦🏻♀️
yep. That’s RIGHT. I thought we were going to be going to classes all day, every day, just like we always had. For how long, you ask? UNTIL I WAS LITERALLY CRYING DURING ENROLLMENT. As in, yes, I was actually AT the college when this little nugget of truth was revealed to me. (Thanks again, mom and dad! I feel STRONGLY that this could have been brought up at least ONCE before you set me free on the world).
Goals are good. Have goals. But don’t shape your entire college experience around a goal that you have predetermined is your ONLY option. Give yourself a little grace – up until three months ago, you had to ask to go to the bathroom. Dip your toe into college, at the shallow end, and take a minute to get used to the temperature. DO NOT dive headfirst into the deep end and suddenly discover you do not know how to swim. I have never been a strong swimmer.
So for example, Med School. I think it’s a good idea to think about it, pursue it, but don’t like.. cut-off every other option in your life. Especially for a goal.. you are not 100% committed to completing (come to find out!). 18 is a hard to time to decide what to do for the REST of your existence. It’s okay if you need to give it some thought. Most people do.
Otherwise, you’ll be so determined that you are going to med school that you fast-forward the whole college experience by completing 21 credit hours (you know, those introductory classes in college) before you even get there. Inevitably, you’ll be thrown in the pre-med program, and taking calculus as your first college class, when in reality, the last math class you took was in like ninth grade.. and it was elementary algebra.
How bad was it? I’ll paint a picture. Imagine me, walking into my first college class, sitting down, and getting up after 5 minutes and leaving class, because I ASSUMED I WAS IN THE WRONG CLASS.
The limit (of how under-qualified you can be) does not exist in calculus class – which seriously sounded like some weird cult-language to me. 😳 Imagine my horror when I realized I was in the right place and had to go back in. I know they mean something else when they say the walk of shame.. but this particular moment had to qualify somewhere on the walk of shame – scale of misery.
One final token, and this is an important one, do NOT wear your cute new dress, with your sexy new thong, and your fancy Vera Bradley backpack, to your first day of college.
Inevitably, you will walk the entire length of Jayhawk Boulevard (I don’t know- 1/2 a mile? Give or take) with the bottom of your dress tucked up your back, by your super snazzy, new backpack, and your ass will just hanging out. FULL BLOWN ASSAGE. Let me just say, it’s not actually as breezy as you would think. And I’m not sure there is anything quite as awkward as mistakenly thinking you look like hot shit and appreciating the stares and finding out later it was for ALL the wrong reasons.
Talk about the walk of shame. 🤦🏻♀️ bless the upperclassman that finally pulled me aside and updated me on the butt situation. I have no idea who she was, or what she has done in her life thus far, but she truly deserves all good things at all times.
LEARN FROM ME! Sunny daze ahead, friends (probably).
Sunny Daze Ahead (Probably) 