How to not do college: a Sunday series ๐Ÿ’‹

I told Matt I was going to create a series of blogs about “how to not do college” and he kind of just gave me a blank stare – then goes “considering you completed 4 years of undergraduate college and 3 years of law school… I’m not sure you’re qualified to speak on the matter.” ๐Ÿคฃ

He has a point.. I DID college, I did a lot of it. Wayyyy too much (0/10 recommend). But that’s precisely why I know exactly what NOT to do to YOURSELF during college. Consider this a how to: how to survive ages 18-22, how to make GOOD decisions (vis รก vis my BAD decisions), and I may even sneak in a fashion tip or two. Basically, consider yourself enrolled in the world’s longest extended lesson on everything not to do, because it’s tried and true.. and I’m not sure that I’m what you would consider #goals.

First, please note: I was unaware that college was a choice.

When I say unaware, I mean, I had no idea that it was an option/there was no legal obligation to go to college, like there was in high school. Not going to college was simply not a discussion in our household and it wasn’t until I heard of people in high school that were going to go straight to work ๐Ÿ˜ฑ, that it even crossed my mind that college may (possibly) be a choice. Don’t be that kid. You’ll just look dumb in front of your classmates. (thanks mom and dad! ๐Ÿ˜‘)

Also, I recommend having a clear understanding on the inner workings of college credit hours BEFORE enrollment. Otherwise.. you will try to sign up for 15 hours of class a day and have a breakdown in the enrollment classroom (in front of all your new classmates) because it keeps telling you that you’ve hit your credit limit.. tenfold. Fun fact, I had no idea that college students didn’t go to school from 8:00-4:00. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ

yep. That’s RIGHT. I thought we were going to be going to classes all day, every day, just like we always had. For how long, you ask? UNTIL I WAS LITERALLY CRYING DURING ENROLLMENT. As in, yes, I was actually AT the college when this little nugget of truth was revealed to me. (Thanks again, mom and dad! I feel STRONGLY that this could have been brought up at least ONCE before you set me free on the world).

Goals are good. Have goals. But don’t shape your entire college experience around a goal that you have predetermined is your ONLY option. Give yourself a little grace – up until three months ago, you had to ask to go to the bathroom. Dip your toe into college, at the shallow end, and take a minute to get used to the temperature. DO NOT dive headfirst into the deep end and suddenly discover you do not know how to swim. I have never been a strong swimmer.

So for example, Med School. I think it’s a good idea to think about it, pursue it, but don’t like.. cut-off every other option in your life. Especially for a goal.. you are not 100% committed to completing (come to find out!). 18 is a hard to time to decide what to do for the REST of your existence. It’s okay if you need to give it some thought. Most people do.

Otherwise, you’ll be so determined that you are going to med school that you fast-forward the whole college experience by completing 21 credit hours (you know, those introductory classes in college) before you even get there. Inevitably, you’ll be thrown in the pre-med program, and taking calculus as your first college class, when in reality, the last math class you took was in like ninth grade.. and it was elementary algebra.

How bad was it? I’ll paint a picture. Imagine me, walking into my first college class, sitting down, and getting up after 5 minutes and leaving class, because I ASSUMED I WAS IN THE WRONG CLASS.

The limit (of how under-qualified you can be) does not exist in calculus class – which seriously sounded like some weird cult-language to me. ๐Ÿ˜ณ Imagine my horror when I realized I was in the right place and had to go back in. I know they mean something else when they say the walk of shame.. but this particular moment had to qualify somewhere on the walk of shame – scale of misery.

One final token, and this is an important one, do NOT wear your cute new dress, with your sexy new thong, and your fancy Vera Bradley backpack, to your first day of college.

Inevitably, you will walk the entire length of Jayhawk Boulevard (I don’t know- 1/2 a mile? Give or take) with the bottom of your dress tucked up your back, by your super snazzy, new backpack, and your ass will just hanging out. FULL BLOWN ASSAGE. Let me just say, it’s not actually as breezy as you would think. And I’m not sure there is anything quite as awkward as mistakenly thinking you look like hot shit and appreciating the stares and finding out later it was for ALL the wrong reasons.

Talk about the walk of shame. ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ bless the upperclassman that finally pulled me aside and updated me on the butt situation. I have no idea who she was, or what she has done in her life thus far, but she truly deserves all good things at all times.

LEARN FROM ME! Sunny daze ahead, friends (probably).

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿผ Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. โค๏ธ

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: