Enneagram: Whatever

I have a secret.

I don’t know my enneagram, and honestly, I don’t want to. I get the basic premise of the enneagram test; it’s to help you understand yourself and your way of thinking, your perceptions, your inclinations, your triggers, and your passions. When you know your enneagram number, and you know someone else’s enneagram number, you can calculate compatibility with others, understand group dynamics more clearly, you know how to communicate better and share healthy relationships and discussions. I think we can all agree these are GOOD things. So… what’s my deal?

Twice in my life (that I can remember), I have taken these “tests” to identify my strengths and weaknesses, and both times, I didn’t get the answer I wanted. I know, I know, I know… that’s not how these tests work, but just hear me out, these kinds of tests are tricky.

I overthink the questions, I “lawyer” them if you will…”in this [blank] scenario, you would respond [blank] accordingly..” Immediately, my brain tracks to.. well it depends! Is it sunny or cold out? What side of the bed did I wake up on? What implications would this have on me, on my family, on my dogs? I know you’re supposed to go with your gut reaction, your first/immediate response. Here’s the thing: my gut doesn’t have firm opinions, and sometimes quite frankly, it’s fucking directionless. If my gut was a Girl Scout, abandoned in the woods, you’d never see me again, even if you left me with a map and a compass.

The first time I took a test, which I am considering similar to the enneagram test, I was in 10th grade. It was a Career Aptitude Test that went along with the practice ACT. I KNEW I wanted to be a doctor; had wanted to be one since I was three. It was my dream and I was bent and determined to make that dumb Career Aptitude Test reflect that very dream. I answered all the questions fully expressing my great, and what I thought to be endless, joy with helping people, working long hours, flexibility, all things science, gross liquids… everything I thought would point this test straight north – next stop: med school.

My number one recommendation: trash woman. I was shattered.

The second time I took one of these personality-style tests, it was in our leadership class in high school. I don’t remember the context; but it involved being grouped into 4-5 different color categories based on your answers. Everyone wanted to be yellow or purple. I got red.

And it might as well been a big ole bucket of scarlet red paint all over my face. Red was for domineering, loud, “natural-born” leader, sometimes argumentative, confident. I wanted to be the passionate/artsy purple or the lively/cheerful yellow; but no, I got stupid, bossy red. And I have hated the color red ever since.

Trash women have wonderful attributes and are a very, necessary (to put it in 2020 terms: essential) part of our work force. There is no shame in being a trash woman. I just didn’t want to be one (update: I still don’t). And testing the color red wasn’t supposed to be an insult, there are lots of fantastic people who have rewarding careers, where natural born leader and domineering are considered positive attributes. Hint: an attorney is one of them.

But the point is, both times, I tried to manipulate the answers to who I wanted to be and I didn’t get accurate results. To be clear, I am probably red πŸ™„, but the Career Aptitude Test was a fluke, and I often wonder what results I would have gotten, if I hadn’t insisted on steering my results towards what I KNEW I wanted to hear.

So, that’s my deal. I don’t trust myself to be honest with myself or the test. I think I will pick a number I want to be, shepherd my answers that way, and end up being like an 800 on the blue map, with swirls of purple and a massive streak of red.

To be fair to myself, and to you, I don’t really believe in grouping myself in one category anyways. I think knowing how your brain works and how your brain processes things is important. I think knowing how the people with whom you surround yourself with brain’s process things is important. I think it’s imperative to know your values, to have a strong moral compass, and to believe your heart to be good and sincere and kind. You don’t need a number or a color to know that.

Please understand: I have no problem with enneagram numbers and the full-hearted believers. I also know that the Career Aptitude Test and the Color-test (as I am naming it) are completely different than the Enneagram Test. I think there is true science to the Enneagram tenets; and I mostly believe it whole-heartily.

I just won’t buy in. To be honest, the test is too long anyways. The bar exam is the last test of that length that I will ever take. 😜 Of course, it is possible that this entire post gives away my exact Enneagram number. That would be the ultimate irony; poetic-justice in a way, but in the meantime…

Here I am, Ashley: Enneagram Whatever.

Sunny daze ahead, sweet friends. 🌞 probably.

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. πŸ’ƒπŸΌ Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❀️

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