Wellness: what does it mean for me?

Wellness — I have spent so much time trying to understand what it means to me lately. I know I have alluded to it in the past, but I’m going to be straightforward, right now.

In September, I opted to switch my anti-anxiety medications around. This was a decision that weighed heavily on my heart, but ultimately, I felt like I needed a change.

I’m pretty “in-tune” with my anxiety; after all, it is my longest, nearest, and not-at-all dearest frenemy. I have struggled with anxiety for almost as long as I can remember breathing. Medications, therapies, good times, bad times. So in September, I felt like it was time for a change. I felt ready to make a change.

It almost ruined my life. I have never been so sick, so depressed, so low, so anxious in my entire life. I honestly should have been hospitalized. I spent 3 months absolutely miserable… and I couldn’t remember why I decided a change was needed.

And being that low really does make you think… what is wellness? What does wellness mean to me?

Wellness used to mean climbing on my horse’s back, taking off at a full gallop, for as long as we both could last.

Wellness used to mean spending hours brushing her, detangling her mane, and kissing her soft spot on her nose.

Wellness used to look like walking around the Lawrence dog park with my TWO favorite girls, stopping to let Harley take a quick swim.

Wellness used to look like my home, in Lawrence, sitting on my roof, staring at the stars, and listening to the steam whistle signal class was over for the night.

I used to know what wellness looked like for me. Wellness used to seem easy.

I’ve come to realize that wellness is a choice, and it’s a choice that you have to make every.single.day. Wellness was so, so hard to see during those 3 months.

But I see wellness in taking a night to binge watch my favorite tv show, in my favorite place (bed) with my three favorite poochies.

I see wellness in mopping my floor (is there anything that makes you feel like your shit is more put together than a mopped floor?) and testing out a new recipe (I recently started testing out the instant pot.. it’s a little scary LOL)

I choose wellness by choosing to love others when I don’t feel like loving myself. By sharing phone calls, and telling stories, and setting lunch dates.

I feel wellness in sitting on my back porch, sharing a cigarello, and jamming out to Brian Davis, with Matt. Sunshine on our face, summer breeze through our hair.

Wellness looks like sharing a good meal, with good friends and good family, making memories.

I choose wellness when I let myself say no, when I remind myself to take time to me, when I remind myself to rest.

I feel wellness when I sit down to watch a game, at a favorite restaurant, and share a couple of budlights, and an appetizer or two, with my favorite guy.

I feel wellness with a good bubble bath soak, a juicy murder podcast in the background, and a glass of wine, before an early bedtime.

I feel wellness when I sit down with a good book, or to solve a puzzle with my mom, or sit down to watch dateline or go grocery shopping with my dad.

I feel wellness on lazy Saturday mornings, cuddled up with Matt and our three babies, telling stories and laughing with one another.

I’ve come to realize that wellness takes different forms on different days. Wellness changes with the times and changes with the needs. I have to be honest, I would love to have access to some of my old “wellness” techniques, but how exciting is it that the entire world is open for the pursuit of wellness?!

I plan to keep pursuing wellness, for myself, and I’ll keep you updated on what I find out. Pursue wellness, friends, we ALL deserve it.

Sunny daze ahead friends, surely. πŸ’•

Sunny daze ahead friends, surely. πŸ’•

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. πŸ’ƒπŸΌ Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❀️

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