I’m tired of feelings

I’m tired of feelings. I don’t know if the title of the post gave this away, but I’m just straight up OVER IT this week. Normally, I would really try to dive into that, and diagnose precisely why I feel tired of feelings, and then offer up some (maybe) useful hints to love/appreciate feelings again. But like I said, it’s just not the in cards today.

So instead, please enjoy this random list of ACTUAL THOUGHTS and EXPERIENCES I have had this week.

1. I dreamt that I lost all my teeth. I know that this is supposed to mean something in dream interpretation but I can’t remember, and honestly, I’m a little scared to look it up right now. Scared why? Because I convinced myself that my teeth are wiggling.

Update: Matt has assured me that my teeth are in place, and my hand is wiggling, and I’m just losing my mind.

2. About two months ago, a car exploded in my backyard. Like literally.. my back yard backs up to a pretty busy street (thanks construction), and a car EXPLODED. I was there. I witnessed it. Matt did not believe me because who REALLY witnesses a car explode, especially from their kitchen.

Last weekend, I witnessed another car explode. I was one of the first on the scene and got stuck on the highway while they closed everything down. Matt did not believe me again, because who sees TWO cars explode in a few months span.

The answer is me. I am terrified of cars exploding now. (IMPORTANT NOTE: no one, besides my fragile mental state, was injured in these explosions. Thank God). But yeah, now I don’t even want to drive anywhere with my dogs in case the car starts to explode, and I have to let them out, and they get hit by another car on the highway (welcome to the inner workings of my SUPER FUN brain!).

So I’m convinced it’s a bad omen and I am trying VERY HARD to be kind to Fiona F-150. The last thing I need is an inanimate object pissed at me and spite exploding. 🤣

3. About a month ago, I went to a bachelorette party and we got the CUTEST little penis candle. I cannot stop hiding it in Matt’s music room when I know that he is going to have friends over. 100% hoping to embarrass him, as any loving girlfriend would. He’s noticed exactly 0 of these incidents. I’m not giving up.

4. Lucy and Zeppelyn had to get their nails trimmed at daycare the other day. Prior to this moment, daycare was Lucy’s favorite place. She now thinks daycare is Satan’s playground. She wouldn’t even look at Matt and I last night. No joke, she drug her food dish to the corner of the kitchen and stared at the wall for hours. BUT DOGS DON’T HAVE FEELINGS! (Sarcasm: she clearly hates getting her mani/pedi on).

5. Remember how I told you I got fake fish for my fish tank..? Yeah, went ahead a bought fake flowers for my front porch planters too. There are things I’m willing to expend energy on.. watering plants.. is not one of them.

6. I cannot stop eating Freddy’s. Honestly, it’s scary. I also love their ice cream. This is a bit awkward. I have spent the last several years convinced that I am lactose intolerant. Suddenly, I can tolerate ice cream. I think it is all psychological. 🤣

7. It’s been raining. Incessantly. My floors are so paw-printed that we may NEVER recover.

Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but I am NOT cleaning the floors between every single potty break. The floors will be cleaned. Someday. Today is not that day. Socks for the win!

8. Why is detergent so expensive? I’m serious. I just want clean clothes.. without itchy skin. Actually, I know why it’s so expensive. That question was sort of rhetorical. I love tide pods, so this is sort of on me.

It stems from a dumb incident. One time, like an idiot, I left a full container of new liquid detergent on my dryer.. and it promptly fell off, creating a HUGE puddle mess. To clean it up, I used my dirty clothes.. which then caused my washer to overflow with bubbles (because that’s way too much detergent per load). I realize this is the type of thing a 26 year old (at the time) should have known.. but here we are, a true story.

So really, the reason detergent is so expensive is because I only trust myself with the pods. Turns out you really do have to pay for perfectly measured amounts of detergent, stain remover, and softener. It’s the price I pay – to avoid catastrophic, detergent puddles of doom and an out of control bubble machine… and flooding. Lots of flooding.

🤷🏻‍♀️ at least the basement smelled good. Or it did. Of course, we may have mold now. 🤣

9. My neighbor got their 4 year old a trampoline. I’m so ridiculously jealous. She cries a lot too.. so I’m not even sure she appreciates it as much as I would. (I realize this is a BIT ridiculous on my part – but like I said.. I’m OVER feelings). I want a trampoline. She cries too much. I should have the trampoline. It makes perfect sense.

10. I found 3 gray hairs on my head this week. I spent a good portion of my morning trying to convince myself it was my dogs hair, tangled within my own hair, from bed. But nope, it’s all mine.

Oh.. SPEAKING OF HAIR, 6 months ago I cut 11 inches of my hair off of my head to donate. Then I immediately regretted it. (You know how they tell you not to cut your bangs when your going through emotional turmoil.. turns out the same is true with chopping off a foot of hair. 🤦🏻‍♀️) So, to cope with these feelings of self-loathing and regret, I carried my ponytails around in my truck console for months. (Isn’t that creepy?! I’m a freaking weirdo).

Happy to report, I finally donated it this weekend. So.. here’s to no longer being attached to locks that are disconnected from my head. It feels like real, adult, growth.

That’s it. That’s all I got for you. I’m not sure how to interpret these thoughts and these events, and I honestly, I’m not sure there’s much to interpret. Just a day in the life of the random, sporadic, Ashley Bee, brought to you from my favorite spot, sandwiched between my three favorite pups.

Sunny daze ahead, sweet friends (probably)

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. 💃🏼 Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❤️

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