Vows – 2.0.

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I have always taken wedding vows very seriously – and then when it came down to the big day – I kinda failed. There was so much going into the wedding, so much planning and so many people, that I got swept up in the moment just kind of said all the stereotypical things.

I regret that. I have always regret that, but I especially regret that since my marriage is ending.

So, I am rewriting my vows now, and saying what I should have said the whole time:

  1. I agree to always do what I need to do to keep us, and our family afloat, but I did not agree to be the only one who shows up for us, day in and day out.
  2. I agreed to follow you where you go, but I do not agree give up my dreams to watch you squander both of ours.
  3. I agreed to help you chase your dreams, but I never agreed to be the only one running.
  4. I agreed to stay by you in sickness and in health, but I didn’t agree to be the only one fighting for health and wellness.
  5. I agreed to take care of you, but with the expectation that you would (also) take care of yourself.
  6. I agreed to ride the waves with you – whether it be anger, or frustration, or sadness, but I never agreed to be the target of that anger.
  7. I agreed to a partnership, but I didn’t agree to raise you.
  8. I agreed to stand by your side, in times of hardship and in all the good moments, but I didn’t know how sparse the good moments would be.
  9. I agreed to a lifetime of memories and love, but I never agreed to love life enough to carry both of us through indefinitely.
  10. I agreed to fight demons and dragons with you, but I didn’t agree to chase demons and dragons with you.
  11. I agreed to show up and be there, every day, but I didn’t agree to lose every aspect of myself in the mix.
  12. I agreed to merge lives, but I never agreed to give up anything and everything that makes me uniquely me.
  13. I agreed to fight for your happiness, when you weren’t strong enough to do it yourself, but I never agreed to give up my own happiness in the process.
  14. I agreed to face your depression with you, but I didn’t know it would almost kill me.
  15. I agreed to do this life, with you by my side, but somehow, the closer you were, the lonelier I got.
  16. I agreed to love you, but I didn’t know what it would cost.

I don’t know what I am going to do with this list of vows, or if I will ever do anything with them, but it seemed important to get down on paper.

If nothing else, this is a promise to myself. I vow to never, ever, fight so hard for someone else that I lose every single piece of myself in the meantime. I will never beg someone to stay that doesn’t want to be there. I will never be the only person fighting for a relationship to work. I promise, I will never lose my voice again.

Times are tough, but so are we.

There are sunny daze ahead, sweet friends. I just gotta believe it 💛

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. 💃🏼 Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❤️

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