Don’t cry over spilt Mountain Dew.

I’m pretty sure that’s how the quote goes, or at least, it’s close enough for me. Who likes milk these days anyways?

The title hits close to home. I’ve had a WEEK at work, despite taking a vacation day Monday and it only being Wednesday. 🙈🤣 it’s one of those “there’s 100 ways this issue could go right and be resolved, but we’re gonna find the little, tiny thread of DISASTER to pull on, and then tug and tug and tug on it, until your entire issue is basically a knotted ball of yarn, instead of the once clean and crisp sweater that it used to be and there is no foreseeable resolution/semblance of a sweater in sight” type of weeks.

I resigned myself to working this evening. The dogs were at daycare today, so they’ll be tired and I really do have to get stuff done. So I stopped to get myself a Mountain Dew on the way home, just a little treat for “trying my hardest”.

Then… I kid you not, I sit down, plug in my computer, and Brantley promptly gets tangled in the cords, throws my laptop across the floor, and dumps all 32 ounces of Mountain Dew on the floor. I thought about crying over the spilt Mountain Dew, I really did.

I mean, it probably would have turned into one of those “my dog died 6 years ago and my horse died 2 years ago and I have other pets that have died at some point in my life, and the world is sad, and everyone hates each other, and people are mean, and the news is depressing, and Covid is still killing people, and I just hate being an adult” rambling type of cries, but I just really don’t need it. you don’t need it either. Don’t cry over spilt Mountain Dew.

So now, I’m in the bathtub, with lavender Dr. Teal’s, getting my freaking wooosahhhh on. Instead of crying, I have some really important stuff to tell you guys. Like late-breaking thoughts that I think everyone should know, including you, my sunny-dazers:

1. Avocado toast is just really not that good. I don’t care if you slice the avocado, mash the avocado, or sprinkle seasonings all over the avocado. At the end of the day, you’re eating plain bread, with the world’s plainest flavored vegetable/fruit (which side do you align?) mashed on top, with a sprinkle of flavor (like a la croix – “somewhere near an “everything bagel” seasoning factory”).It’s a textural nightmare. I’m not gonna fake it anymore.

2. Charcuterie boards: I love, love, love the idea of them. But there’s approximately one thing I will eat on any given board. Plain salami. I don’t even like the cheese, it smells. That being said, I take it upon myself to bring a charcuterie board with me to all social settings. I have no idea why. It makes me feel sophisticated. Normally I leave a lunchable in the truck, so I can enjoy normal ham, cheese and crackers without judgment from my swanky-ass friends.

2a. Plus charcuterie boards are expensive. Like I’ll spend a quick fifty on ridiculous cheese balls and nasty stuffed olives and candied okra, but I’ll be damned if any of that even gets the within a foot of my mouth. No. Thank. You. Your complex and adult-like taste buds might make me hurl. Let’s normalize lunchables again.

3. I’m the level of petty that if my dogs have been at daycare for more than an hour and 0 pictures of them have been added to Facebook, I go through and “love” all the other dog photos in a super passive-aggressive way. It has quite literally never worked in my favor, but somehow, I feel like I’m winning. (No one tell me that they don’t care or even notice, I need this win).

4. The throwing of bridal bouquets should be banned. It’s DANGEROUS. See below for proof. People get too competitive and inevitably end up injured. (People = me). If I ever get married, the practice ends with ME. 🤣

5. My dog recently got sent home from daycare for urinating on goats. As in, she wouldn’t stop following the goats around and peeing on them when they stood still. 😳That’s really all I have to say about that.

6. I semi-befriended a work goose, because everyone kept trying to get me to get him to go away. He was not very nice and I wasn’t overly thrilled with the task. Someone (not me) was feeding him, so he wasn’t going anywhere and he would chase people in and out of the building. I took a couple of personal days, and now he’s gone. I’m convinced someone killed him while I wasn’t looking and I think I am expected to be more upset than I am.

7. I was told I was a “very good flying partner” on Monday, because I sat in my chair, did not move, listened to my podcast and minded my own. It was very sweet to hear, but I think my seat partner thought I was like 12. I didn’t break it to him that I generally sit still and don’t ask random strangers for entertainment. Regardless, his relief was palpable – so I am glad I was able to be that for him.

8. A 55 year old man at the airport slipped me his number on a napkin and told me to text him. I asked him if he was planning on giving me marriage advice. 🤷🏻‍♀️ guess he forgot about his wedding ring. We were almost friends, gosh darn it! Sneaky, sneaky Ashley B!

9. I recently started watching The Mentalist. So far, I like it. Will I finish it? Doubtful. It goes against everything I am as a show-binger to finish any particular series. 🤣

Guys, the world is a mess. No one is getting along. Feelings are hurt, arguments are heated, and aggression is rampant. There are quite literally people killing one another (and/or strangers) over bad days and depression. Don’t cry over the spilt Mountain Dew. There’s a lot bigger issues out there, and if that the worst you have to deal with right now, you’re doing pretty well. I’m thinking of all of you, sending you my lavender wooosahhhh vibes, and praying your dog doesn’t pee on a goat (it really is quite embarrassing). We can do this. Summer is coming, trees are blooming, and there really are sunny daze ahead (probably).