heaviness

Everything is heavy right now. The world is just heavy. You can’t turn on the tv, or scroll through Facebook, without being reminded of that absolute terror and shambles half our world is stuck in. I mean honestly, it’s a constant stream of vaccination debates/booster debates, a seemingly never-ending list of virus variants, the contentious mask debacle, alarming death rates… and that’s just covering the COVID drama. Then we have Afghanistan, and the Taliban, and differing opinions on how the current president is handling things. Add in the anxiety for the trapped Americans, our stuck allies, and the concern for the well-being of all women and children in Afghanistan, and pretty soon, your stomach is in knots over the entire Middle East. All of that heaviness isn’t even considering poor Haiti, and the utter destruction that they are living in, since the earthquake ravaged their country. More than half of the Haitians that were displaced by the earthquake.. ARE STILL DISPLACED weeks later. Who knows if they have clean water or access to medical care?

And… if you’re like me, it’s heavy. The struggles of others and the plight of some of our fellow human beings physically HURTS my heart. Part of me feels guilty, because I am truly taking these events to heart and it is negatively impacting my mood, yet I have a home over my head, I have medical care as needed, I’m permitted (and encouraged in my country) to be educated and to have a profession. I have my independence, I am a free thinker, and I have privileges that I try to never take for granted.

And.. if you’re like me.. this guilt is just so incredibly heavy too. No one likes a person with the victim mentality — and here I am, heart hurting like I AM the victim.

I’ve come to realize, some hearts just feel more. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do believe that there are some people who take on and grieve for others, even unknown, because that is simply the inner-workings of their soul.

Instead of feeling guilty about my heart, I’m embracing it. Instead of trying to remind myself that I have no reason to hurt and no reason to grieve, I’m letting myself feel the feelings. I am sad for all of the loss and anxiety that Covid-19 (and variants) have caused. I’m sad that Covid-19 had divided our country, that friends are being lost over vaccination statuses and mask preferences. I’m sad that some of my dearest friends have lost loved ones to this illness, and right now, the situation doesn’t seem to be improving. A solution feels so far off.. and that makes me sad.

I’m heartbroken regarding the state of affairs in Afghanistan. I think no matter what side you align politically, the situation is devastating. I’m worried for our military and our veterans, I’m worried for our military families. I hate that they are in this position and I feel so incredibly sick to my stomach imagining how they must feel. My heart breaks for our allies, who very well may be in danger now, simply for helping us for the last two decades. I’m worried for their well-being and I don’t even know them. I am absolutely crushed to read about the conditions that women and children may face in a Taliban-ran Afghanistan. Tears well up in my eyes when I think about women being afraid to go outside or destroying evidence of their hard-earned education.

The tears have openly flowed for the Haitians, because I want to be able to help, but the need for help is so much greater than me. A lump catches in my throat when I think about the displaced families, and the lost family members, and the injured or ill. I feel breathless when I think about the absolute atrocity their country is facing and what their children must be witnessing. The devastation is unimaginable, and that.. is heartbreakingly heavy.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be worried. Even if you are crying in your perfectly air conditioned home, that is stocked with good food and clean water, and living an absolute blessed life. For me, the trick is to feel all the feels and then… let go of the heaviness. It is not mine to carry. At least, not long term.

And carrying it around doesn’t change anything. It just causes anxiety and fatigue. It causes stomachaches and heartaches and all other kinds of aches. It causes loss of perspective, and a failure to exercise gratitude, and morale plummeting. You start to believe the worst in humanity and lose faith in what you know to be pure and true; things like love, and kindness, and equality. You lose sight of what matters, and the acts of kindness you witness, because all you can see is hatred, and heartbreak, and devastation. You forget your blessings.

Put down the weight, it’s not yours to carry. At least, it’s not solely yours to carry. Take care of your heart, friends. Feel the feelings, worry, pray, well wish, empathize, volunteer, donate, and do whatever you can to help, but don’t try to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. It’s much too heavy.

And in the meantime, I’m here for you. ❤️

Sunny daze ahead, sweet friends (probably).

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. 💃🏼 Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❤️

2 thoughts on “heaviness

  1. It’s heavy right now, and every day, particularly because we are now bombarded with news, repeated continuously. These are world wide stories of horror and tragedy that, in the past, would have only reached us long after they had happened, if at all. For our own wellbeing we cannot afford to worry about every problem and disaster that occurs. We cannot take on more than we can handle. If we try to then we will suffer, either mentally, or physically, or both. It is hard to say “Can I do anything about that? – No – then I shall not worry about it. ” but we must!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: