She is beauty, she is grace, she just fell flat on her face

Anyone else feel lied to?

I feel like the whole human existence is kind of a big, fat lie. I know.. dramatic. But hear me out:

I remember as a child thinking that the kids in high school were so cool. They “just had their life together.” They were going to college and they were going to pursue careers. Their parents were proud. Shoot, they were proud.

Plus they could drive. The world was literally their oyster.

Then I remember sitting in high school and thinking “wow, college kids REALLY have it all together.” They are on their way now. They have goals, they have ambitions. They are creating and constructing the building blocks of their future.. and what a beautiful, picture-perfect future it was going to be.

Then after undergrad, all I could think was “oh my god, look at all these young professionals, paving their particular path in the world” whether it was through their career or grad school. They were organized. They were disciplined. They were making a difference.

Even now, any time I see a peer in a new house or with a second, third, fourth child, I’m struck by how “put together they are.” They have achieved at life so well that they are bringing more life into this world. They are so put together, they could write an instruction manual on how to properly “life” and “raise life”.

However, I have never, once, in my tenure of being me, thought to myself “damn girl, look at you go, you are organized, disciplined and really have it all together. People are probably looking at you as the pinnacle of human existence.”

In fact, I would argue the opposite. I spent high school scrambling for good grades and good deeds to get good scholarships.

I spent undergrad switching from one major to another – until I settled on English, because it was easy for me. Never mind the fact that there aren’t a lot of careers that demand an extensive knowledge of William Shakespeare’s works (if they are even really his?).

I went to law school, amongst all my driven, disciplined, and determined peers, because I wasn’t sure what to do next. Law school seemed like a good (albeit expensive) way to postpone the inevitable “oh my god, I have no idea what I am doing with my life.” At the time, I remember thinking “at least this is forward movement.”

And I have spent the last 20 or so years, flabbergasted on when everyone got their shit together and wondering why it seemed the “shit-putting together” fairy missed my house. Presumably, I was out of town when she stopped by, but I most certainly, do NOT, have my shit together.

I think social media can give you that impression though. I know it has given me that impression of my fellow human beings. Happy, happy all the time – at least, that’s what Facebook says.

I’d argue the opposite (again). Life is messy and hard. We are all floundering, just privately. No one wants to show the bad side of life, or hardship.. or really even anything that hints to them having things even slightly less that “totally put together.” It is just not our nature. To be completely transparent – even my social media is a gigantic, curated, glimpse into only the brightest moments of my life. And who can blame me? No one wants to hear about how many times I have checked that the oven was off, because my OCD is out of wack.. again.

I’m tired of the facade. I want to be authentic and I want to have authentic conversations and friendships.

So, I’m coming to you live, from my bathtub, to tell you that yesterday, in the middle of a packed restaurant, I slammed face first into a wall of windows, thinking it was the door. The windows were the type to not be trifled with.. and I kind of bounced off, rebounding, as the reverb echoed in this restaurant. Everyone went silent.

The door was right next to the wall of windows, of which, I threw my face. And food. And drink.

Here I was, a young, presumably capable, attorney, on her lunch break and I have no doubt that I was giving off the aura of complete control. I am sure I looked like I had it all together, but in reality… I body-slammed a window.

She is beauty, she is grace. She just fell flat on her face.

So, step one to authenticity: admit you totally missed the door, caused a scene in a busy restaurant, spilt your food all over yourself, shook it off in front of everyone like it was fine.. and then cried about it in your truck. Because, life isn’t so picture-perfect all the time.

It doesn’t get much more “not put together” than that.

Sunny daze ahead, my sweet friends. Be well 🌞

She is beauty. She is grace. She just fell flat on her face. 🫣

Published by SunnyDazeAhead

Well... it's happening, due to high demand, and my monstrous ego, I've decided to blog. Simply put, I can't imagine who wouldN'T want to read my crazy antics and get to know the inner-workings of my semi-stable brain. Maybe, you'll laugh (hopefully, WITH me). Maybe you'll cry or maybe you'll get bored. It's really up to you what you take from this, all I can promise is brutal honesty, a heavy dose of sarcasm, some cuss words (I am who I am, sorry dad), and a little insanity. My mom has also recommended I share some of my recipes.. so maybe that too. The face behind the blog is... hard to put into words and words are "kinda" my thing. I am loud, I am outspoken, I am silly, I am sarcastic. I am wildly defensive of my loved ones. I have an anxious mind and I spend a LOT of time trying to keep my brain from spiraling into worst case scenarios. I work hard to keep my mind a happy, optimistic place, which I have come to realize is not my mind's natural habitat. I spend almost all my time with my three dogs: Lucy, Brantley, and Zeppelyn, who I am convinced are the greatest beings on the planet. I probably love my parents TOO much, but I am blessed to share a very close friendship with both and it is REALLY important to me that I never take that for granted. I love a boy, I have loved the same boy for years now, and I moved for him and honestly; home is where he is. Fine, his name is Matt and he is most definitely TAKEN, so back off ladies. I am a KC Native; a Jayhawk by choice, and an Omaha- Transplant. I spent my entire life telling everyone I was going to be a doctor, only to turn out to be an attorney in the scheme of things (I am proud of that, it is just not where I saw my life going). I am often convinced that I should have been born in a small town (John Cougar Mellencamp- Style) and any part of my heart not occupied by the dogs and Matt, is occupied by the late, but no less great Star, my horse/partner/best friend of 15 years. That's right, I am a former "Horse Hottie" and it is one of my favorite things about myself. Otherwise, I try to be a kind, generous, and a good person. Sometimes, I think I am misunderstood, and other times, I am understood a little too well. My face will tell you anything that I SOMEHOW manage to filter my mouth from saying. Oh, and I think I need all baby animals: zoo animals, farm animals, ALL the animals. That should pretty much wrap it up -- I'm Ashley; Enneagram: Whatever. In truth, I don't know what my mission is here. I don't foresee myself saving lives, talking people off the ledge, or providing sage, creative or original life advice. I am not a parent, so parenting-advice shall not be offered. I avoid controversial topics like the plague, I don't have the urge to lead you to the Lord (but he is pretty cool if you are open to the idea), and I have no idea on how to teach, craft, DIY, counsel, or even really advise. But I can repeat what I have learned, I can tell stories, and (sometimes) I can make people laugh. Writing makes me happy. I hope my writing makes you happy. So buckle up, strap in, glue your helmet to your damn head, empty your bladder and do whatever it is that you have to do to prepare for a ride.. a wild ride. A star-studded, bronc bucking, rodeo type of ride... my very favorite type. πŸ’ƒπŸΌ Sunny daze ahead friends, probably. ❀️

9 thoughts on “She is beauty, she is grace, she just fell flat on her face

  1. Old guy speaking: No one has it together. When I published my memoir, full of tales of substance abuse and mental illness, a friend’s 13 yo daughter read it. She told my friend, “jeez, and I thought adults had their act together.” I now have teenage kids and I’m living a life that seems quite similar to my parents’ life. Now I know that they had no idea what they were doing and just eked through life praying that they didn’t lose their job.

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    1. Jeff, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I have no doubt that that’s the truth.. but man, I sure would like to at least PRETEND to have it all together sometimes! Hah

      Thanks for stopping by πŸ™‚ your memoir sounds interesting!

      Like

  2. πŸ’Ž – Diamond Hard – πŸ’Ž

    πŸ’Ž S’Okay SupaSoulSis, “Birds (Girls in This Context) Can’t SEE (Soulful Emotional Energy) Glass” ~ Storks Movie 🎬 and SomeTimes Get Clumsy; here is an interesting Take on 3DLife, Some ‘Successful’ People Sell Up and Go πŸšΆβ€β™€οΈ πŸ˜€ 😊 πŸ˜„ ☺️ πŸ™‚ πŸšΆπŸΏβ€β™‚οΈ 🚢 πŸ˜€ On a Journey of ReDiscovery of The Purity of Their ChildLike State like I Did and I Didn’t Have To Go to “Grad School” to Understand Law and Medicine πŸ’Š in Many Different Cultures like Sharif Law and Tribal Laws et al in Our ‘Primitive’ Societies πŸ˜€ πŸ’™ ❀️ 😊 πŸ˜„ πŸ™‚ πŸ˜€ hence having Legally Taken On “Grad” Trained Western Lawyers and Won πŸ† πŸ˜€ 😊 πŸ˜„ ❀️ πŸ’™ πŸ† ALL without doing The “Grad” Thing, just Doing My Research, Same with Medical ‘Professionals’

    πŸ’Ž – Diamond Hard – πŸ’Ž

    …πŸ’ŽπŸ’ŽπŸ’Ž…

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  3. I totally agree, “I want to be authentic and I want to have authentic conversations and friendships.” Yes!

    So sorry about the glass wall. Indeed we all have moments like that and we just can hope that it doesn’t leave a mark. And if we share it, I think there’s a better chance it won’t! πŸ™‚

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    1. Wynne, thank you for your comment and stopping by.

      I thought for sure the glass wall was actually going to leave a mark.. or a bruise or two, but I seem to have escaped unscathed.. at least physically πŸ˜‰.

      Like

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