“Don’t change, I like you just the way you are.”
Please don’t tell me I was the only child exposed to this dad-joke classic. You know the one I’m talking about; the one where you agree to run an errand or do some chore with your dad and you “just need to change real quick.”
Equally swiftly, almost as if it is second nature, your dad goes: “don’t change, I like you just the way you are.” At least my dad did/does. ❤️
Life is changing, kind of rapidly. It happens that way, I guess. It seems like nothing is changing and everything is boring; and then one day, every thing has snapped out of place, jumped ahead in line, or just disappeared. To be honest, I don’t like change.
Now that the cat is out of the bag and all the proper parties have been informed, I am anxiously announcing that I have accepted a new job. I wasn’t really looking for a new job, and I honestly didn’t think I would accept a new job, but I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do. It is an opportunity that I can’t afford to pass up – and I know I’ll be happier for this decision. I just need to stop having panic attacks about it in the meantime. 😉
I mean… I figured I would change jobs SOMEDAY, but I didn’t know it would be so soon. This is my last week at my current job, which I have held for almost four years. I am leaving my first “big girl” job. The semi-sacred place that has challenged me to grow, and mature, and toughen up. And truth be told: I am terrified.
“Don’t change, I like you just the way you are” is running on repeat in my head.
But here’s the truth, I don’t like it just the way it is. It has been a fine job, a good job even. I have learned so much and I have become so much more confident. But what is disguising itself as “liking just the way it is” in my panicked state is:
- Liking the comfort of expectation. I know what to expect from my claimants, my fellow teammates, my coworkers, and my boss. I know how to expect it to be conveyed; and more importantly, how to interpret it. I know that frustration at the situation isn’t frustration at me (sometimes). I know snappy tones is just the name of the game. I have learned to expect those tones and the constant urgency that claimants feel they entitled.
- Appreciating the comfort of living through “worst case scenario”. There is something so profound – and somewhat freeing – about knowing what the worst case scenario looks like. Possibly even more freeing? Knowing how to adapt, deal and handle that worse case scenario. I’ve already lived it. Honestly, I know my boss’ angriest – and I have lived through it. I don’t know my new boss’ angriest – and who knows if I will live through it? (I’m being dramatic, I will – but these are the thoughts permeating my brain!)
- Understanding of company practice , and habit, and the day-to-day. I know what to expect when I walk into work on a Monday morning, I know what my boss will want me to prioritize, I know what my clients will want me to prioritize, I know who I need to speak to and how to find specific information. I know what I need to do, daily, to succeed at that job. I know all the little tricks; I know where to find examples of what I am working on, I know how to double the caffeine in the coffee machine, and I know who to look to for an early out on a Friday.
- Finding strength in knowing the routine. As someone riddled with anxiety and OCD, homegirl LOVES a routine. Right now, I have my routine at work pinned down pretty well. I work on more challenging things in the morning, I go to one specific reviewer if I need help, I close claims as soon as I can to keep my claim count low. Basically, I know what I am doing, and I can walk in and do it, without any help. Even my morning routine is the same – casual work clothes, stop at QT for a drink, and sunflower seeds… all day long.
Change is hard, and sometimes, we must do hard things. I have said this time and time again and I believe it, 100%. Change IS hard. But you know what else is hard? Staying stagnant because it’s comfortable. There really is just something so comfortable about comfortable.
But comfortable isn’t where you grow. Comfortable isn’t where you challenge yourself and learn new things. Comfortable probably isn’t going to lead you to your dream job or to your next big step. Comfortable is never pushing your own boundaries, and allowing yourself to remain “average”, even in the face of something really, really great.
And I think this opportunity has every possibility of being something really, really great. It’s an up and coming type of business, where we will get to work for the insureds (and not corporate America), and there is substantial space for growth. The new place, my new place, really emphasizes mental wellness, and reasonable work loads, and self care. It is an open-door, team-oriented, work environment.
To be clear, I believe whole-heartedly that this new job is where I need to be, where I can learn and push myself, but within reason. I have no doubt that the environment is going to be so much better for me and my anxiety. I think it goes without saying that I feel so blessed by this opportunity and I am so excited for my future, but just in case, I KNOW I am lucky.
But still.. somehow, all I want to say is: “don’t change, I like you just the way you are.”
Change is hard but change is exciting. Change is invigorating. Change is necessary. Change is inevitable. Change is growth. Change is liberating. Change is healthy. So as convinced as I am that change is hard, I am trying to believe that change is all of these wonderful, important, pivotal things too.
I have no doubt, in a few months time, I’ll be laughing over this whole anxiety attack-episode. But for now, do me a favor, and just “don’t change, because I like you just the way you are,” readers.
Don’t worry about me, I’m making tamales. That always makes me feel like I have my shit together.
There are sunny daze ahead, my friends, always 🌞